Monday, July 6, 2015

Are You Owning Your Own Feelings?


Let's face it ladies, we are the more emotional counterpart.  We sometimes find it hard to even know why we are feeling emotional.  Often we don't even know how we are feeling.  

There are even times when we make decisions based on someone else's feelings.  Do you realize that this is crossing over the other person's emotional boundaries by taking responsibility for their feelings?  We can do this when we make a decision based on how they would or how we perceive that they would feel even though we may not want to make the decision.  This is also not taking responsibility for our own feelings which can cause us feelings of resentment.  This also may affect our ability to live correctly and freely because we are not doing whatever it is based on our own feelings, but on the feelings of others.   

According to Dr. Henry Cloud, our feelings whether good or bad are out property and they fall within our boundaries.  If we feel responsible for other people's feelings, we can no longer make decisions based on what is right.  Taking responsibility for other people's feelings often causes us to disobey God.  

This is not to say that we should not be sensitive to other people's feelings about our choices.  Being sensitive to other people's feelings about our choices and taking responsibility for how they feel about our choices are two entirely different things.  

For example, if my mother wants me to come home to Baltimore for Thanksgiving and I really want to stay in Richmond for the holiday, but I decide to go to Baltimore because I don't want my mother to feel disappointed or unhappy with me then I have made a choice based on how my mother would feel and not how I feel.  This isn't taking responsibility for my feelings, but instead for the feelings of my mother.  Further, if I tell my mother that I want to stay in Richmond and she crying and feeling sad and every time I talk to her she makes a comment about my staying in Richmond for Thanksgiving then she is attempting to control me with her feelings and then I choose to go to Baltimore again I am still taking responsibility for my mother's feelings.  If we are dealing with mature people then they will process their own feelings, but if they aren't mature then they will blame us for their feelings or try to control us with them.  Regardless, their feelings are not our responsibility.  The responsibility of dealing with feelings lies with the one having them.

If we take responsibility for our feelings we can use them to:
  • solve problems
  • make our relationships better
  • let go of grudges
  • live a life of freedom
  • practice good boundary systems for ourselves & others
  • feel happier

If you struggle in the area of feelings, here are some great books:

Changes That Heal, by Dr. Henry Cloud
Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
Living Beyond Your Feelings, by Joyce Meyer


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